When Mel Bay Publications editor Stephen Rekas approached me about writing an article for the "Tales from the Road" column of the annual 7-string issue of Guitar Sessions, I immediately warned him that most of my stories under that heading are R-rated at best and NC-17 at worst- but I have one that might squeak in under the radar as a PG-13. That one involves a Goth drag queen, a pool cue and a midget in a pair of red leather stilettos. (Actually, they were probably vinyl; he looked kind of cheap, but the red suited him rather nicely.) In the interest of political correctness, I decided that I wouldn't cast any aspersions on any members of the trans-gender, billiards or little person communities by implicating them in any reports of such nefarious behavior…but it really did happen.

After Steve stopped yawning (does he only do that when I'm talking?) I gladly accepted the gig and said that I was sure I could come up with something. So, naturally, as any man does when under pressure, I thought of the accordion. Better yet JAZZ ACCORDIAN!! I know you all know the joke about the accordionist who drives to the bar to grab a quick beer before his gig (no, you're not supposed to laugh yet). Anyway, he leaves his accordion in the car and isn't in the bar two minutes when he hears the sound of breaking glass. Panicked, he runs outside fearing that someone is breaking into his Lexus (I said, stop laughing…) to steal his precious instrument. Sure enough, when he rushes outside he finds his window broken out - and another accordion inside.

On that intentionally reedy note, I'm going to tell you of my willing participation in a jazz accordion group. The leader of the group is Todd Hildreth (I sure wasn't gonna put my name on it!). Todd is a fine and gifted pianist whom I have played with for over a decade in a quartet called Java Men. He is also mighty bodacious on the Hammond B-3 and the accordion - his first instrument, which really isn't surprising once you get to know him.

We have been touring as both a trio (accordion, acoustic guitar, upright bass) and sometimes as a quartet when we add a drummer. Todd calls this group Squeeze-Bot. (Don't ask me what it means; I wasn't consulted.) We have just released an album under Todd's name and are gearing up for an extensive tour of Jefferson County Kentucky. The tour will peak with our headlining appearances at various German-American festivals where Todd will undoubtedly be seen waving a bratwurst with his left hand while improvising fearlessly on the changes of "Edelweiss" with his right, and working the bellows with his elbow - all done with such a flair of asthmatic abandon that it brings a tear to the eye - oh, no wait, that's beer.

All jibes aside - it is a truly fun group. I love the acoustic element- just a small P.A. and three microphones for the trio. It's like playing jazz with a bluegrass aesthetic - truly challenging and rewarding. My Buscarino 7-string flat-top is one hoss of a guitar to begin with - but in this format it has really found its voice. More jazz players should try the acoustic scene. It worked for Django; it worked for the Modern Jazz Quartet. Anyway, I'm going to continue to pursue this path of instrumentation and maybe explore some other acoustic options. Who knows, maybe I'll add a banjo and a bagpipe to round out this triumvirate of jazz outcasts.

Best wishes,
Craig Wagner

P.S. Does anybody know the country code for Scotland?

To learn more about Craig Wagner and Java Men, please see their website at:
http://theatreorgans.com/grounds/javamen/